Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters craving
life for themselves. They come through you, but not from you. And even though
they are with you, they are not yours. I try, but not to control them. What I
have learned from is that we have to see our children as spiritual experiences,
our children as human
experiences. Our job is to guide them, But they don't
have to make a decision. Many of us, and I'm guilty of that too, give them our
thoughts. We accuse them, our philosophies, our world views. Let the children
go for themselves. You can teach them and should not make any suggestions about
your religion or your culture or your nation. we are beyond nations, religions
and cultures. We are souls. "You can give them love, but not your
thoughts. Because they have their own thoughts. You can give home to their
souls, not their bodies. Because they live in their homes . What you can't even
see in a dream - you too can try to be like them. But you don't try to make
them like you.
You should never say to your children. So when your child comes home
from school there is a good grade on their report card. Good work! As opposed
to something, instead of "I noticed you got an A in English, how do you
feel it?" So we're just making this announcement about something, rather
than inviting them to return, to explore their feelings about their
performance. So this is not something that is completely destructive, none of
it really is but there are some subtle things that I think are helpful. Here is
another one. "Practice Makes Perfect." Have you ever heard from your
parents when you were learning how to play the piano or learn a new skill? Now
this is a common phrase, especially not to say to our children. Why? Because
they are already working hard on things, they never get it right? Are you? What
makes practice really right? You know, maybe it is more accurate to say that
this defect is more permanent because everything we practice is better but it
is not favorable. You can practice being in an example of a negative mood and
you're going to get better in a negative mood instead, what if you're just
talking to your children in a way that confirms their efforts and makes them
understand Helps that I work on something, I'm better off getting it. And let's
just leave it to the perfection standard. I think this is the thing that spoils
it. Let's see one more. "Are you alright?" Almost worryingly. You
know, sometimes if your child stumbles or falls in their knee and they are
crying, it is our natural instinct that parents give them rest, right? And
there is nothing wrong with that, but to tell that you're okay sometimes
triggers a little process in our child's mind that "Oh, well I shouldn't
have. What would happen if you went to get involved in the process of getting
your child ready to go somewhere !!!!